Matching outfits for camping
My stay at home mom
I dropped off my son at his dorm room this morning. This is my "baby", the last child to be sent off into the world. Nine years ago, as I dropped my daughter off at college, I expected that she was to be home summers and I still had one at home. While I knew it would be different, it didn't seem like a drastic change. My son's college encourages internships each summer, so today seems to truly be the end of the Children at Home era.
Reflecting back on the "liberation" I experienced in the '70's, I try hard to remember what we learned about motherhood. I remember that there was a push for stay at home fathers, as well as fathers who participated in raising the children in a big(ger) way. There was focus on picking the right day care, hours of research went into how stimulating, nurturing or enlightening the facility was. It went without saying that you would continue to pursue your career while having babies. But my field of study was child development, and it seemed important to be there with your children. In addition to this, no matter what the world was telling me, I didn't want to leave my daughter with anyone other than my mother. Although newly graduated, licensed and ready to go, I chose to stay at home with my baby. I felt "stupid" for doing this. I was losing ground on the competition for advancement, I would forget everything I had learned, my vocabulary would decrease. Looking back this is one of the best choices I made. I was there to see her first steps, her discovery of the soft fur of the cat, her problem solving how to get down the stairs without falling, her smile at finger painting, her excitement at catching tadpoles in the lake. All those things I would have missed if she was in that state of the art day care facility. I caught up in my career once she started kindergarten. (Nine years later I took a break in my career when I had my son! This didn't hurt either, in fact it helped to point me in a whole new direction, and I added the MFT license to my wall).
Role model. I remember that as liberated women we had the chance to become role models for our daughters in the new way. Equal pay, equal opportunities for advancement in our careers, the chance to be a professional. We should encourage our daughters to feel good about math, to become scientists, to break into the "male" fields. It all seemed so wonderful, such an opportunity. I do believe that my daughter developed her talents and is an accomplished woman. And now as my son is launched I have confidence in his independence and motivation to make the world a better place.
What was the reality? It is very, very hard to be a working mother. One is constantly juggling priorities. At the same time that I had a career and a family, the intensity of what one needed to provide for children increased tenfold. Gymnastics, pony riding class, soccer, baseball, Girl Scouts, Odyssey of the Mind, Art classes, Space Camp, music lessons...the list went on and on. As a result, those hours when I should have been home (cleaning? cooking? resting?) were spent sitting in a lawn chair watching swim practice. Along side me were my friends. They were correcting papers, mending clothes or catching up on paying bills as we "watched" the kids practice. What I wouldn't have given for a lap top then...but that was a few years away. My children didn't always understand. "None of my friends have to do their own laundry, Jenna's mother makes her lunch every day, Spencer's father does things for him" there were complaints. Yes, some of those moms had the luxury of staying home, for by this time that is what I had started to feel. Having a career was not liberating, it was crazy hard work. I was split, I was so jealous of those women staying at home with their kids. I was angry when the PTA representative called and asked me to bake something for the teacher appreciation lunch. Yes, I did appreciate those teachers, but just when was I supposed to bake the #^(&* cupcakes? My kids ate fast food, processed food, leftovers, popcorn and oranges for dinner. Oh, to have been a stay at home mom. I would have time to focus, to give my best to one thing, instead of splitting and not doing a very good job at anything.
It seems that now I will have my opportunity. While I can jokingly say that I gave up my career AND my motherhood this summer, the real truth is that I am just catching up on all those years of things I never had time to finish.
Reflecting back on the "liberation" I experienced in the '70's, I try hard to remember what we learned about motherhood. I remember that there was a push for stay at home fathers, as well as fathers who participated in raising the children in a big(ger) way. There was focus on picking the right day care, hours of research went into how stimulating, nurturing or enlightening the facility was. It went without saying that you would continue to pursue your career while having babies. But my field of study was child development, and it seemed important to be there with your children. In addition to this, no matter what the world was telling me, I didn't want to leave my daughter with anyone other than my mother. Although newly graduated, licensed and ready to go, I chose to stay at home with my baby. I felt "stupid" for doing this. I was losing ground on the competition for advancement, I would forget everything I had learned, my vocabulary would decrease. Looking back this is one of the best choices I made. I was there to see her first steps, her discovery of the soft fur of the cat, her problem solving how to get down the stairs without falling, her smile at finger painting, her excitement at catching tadpoles in the lake. All those things I would have missed if she was in that state of the art day care facility. I caught up in my career once she started kindergarten. (Nine years later I took a break in my career when I had my son! This didn't hurt either, in fact it helped to point me in a whole new direction, and I added the MFT license to my wall).
Role model. I remember that as liberated women we had the chance to become role models for our daughters in the new way. Equal pay, equal opportunities for advancement in our careers, the chance to be a professional. We should encourage our daughters to feel good about math, to become scientists, to break into the "male" fields. It all seemed so wonderful, such an opportunity. I do believe that my daughter developed her talents and is an accomplished woman. And now as my son is launched I have confidence in his independence and motivation to make the world a better place.
What was the reality? It is very, very hard to be a working mother. One is constantly juggling priorities. At the same time that I had a career and a family, the intensity of what one needed to provide for children increased tenfold. Gymnastics, pony riding class, soccer, baseball, Girl Scouts, Odyssey of the Mind, Art classes, Space Camp, music lessons...the list went on and on. As a result, those hours when I should have been home (cleaning? cooking? resting?) were spent sitting in a lawn chair watching swim practice. Along side me were my friends. They were correcting papers, mending clothes or catching up on paying bills as we "watched" the kids practice. What I wouldn't have given for a lap top then...but that was a few years away. My children didn't always understand. "None of my friends have to do their own laundry, Jenna's mother makes her lunch every day, Spencer's father does things for him" there were complaints. Yes, some of those moms had the luxury of staying home, for by this time that is what I had started to feel. Having a career was not liberating, it was crazy hard work. I was split, I was so jealous of those women staying at home with their kids. I was angry when the PTA representative called and asked me to bake something for the teacher appreciation lunch. Yes, I did appreciate those teachers, but just when was I supposed to bake the #^(&* cupcakes? My kids ate fast food, processed food, leftovers, popcorn and oranges for dinner. Oh, to have been a stay at home mom. I would have time to focus, to give my best to one thing, instead of splitting and not doing a very good job at anything.
It seems that now I will have my opportunity. While I can jokingly say that I gave up my career AND my motherhood this summer, the real truth is that I am just catching up on all those years of things I never had time to finish.
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